Dear Laera,

I don’t know what you would think of this letter, or even of someone who writes a letter that will never be delivered. All I know is that there are some things I need to say to you that could never be spoken, and some things I need to get straight in my own head before I can move on with my life. This letter seemed the best way of doing that.

First of all, I feel the need to say that I truly have no idea what happened to my feelings, or when. Come to think of it, I probably fell in love with you from the day we met and it just took time for me to finally realize it. Somehow, over the months of our friendship, you managed to capture my heart, and it just snuck up on me. By the time I realized my feelings, it was too late to do anything. I couldn’t say anything to you about it. I don’t know why. Call it shyness or whatever. Believe me, I tried on many occasions to say or do something that would let you know, but every time I tried, something inside stopped me. I suppose it was mostly because of our friendship that I relented.

I know that sounds stupid, but it’s the only way I can explain it. You’re such a sweet, kind-hearted person, and I valued our friendship so much that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything that could threaten that. You have to admit, had I told you about my feelings and discovered that they weren’t mutual, our friendship would never have been the same again. I’m sure you could see that.

In a way, I’m glad you figured it out on the day you left for your journey. I think deep down inside I wanted you to. I just couldn’t say it in words. Sitting here now I realize that, despite my best efforts, our friendship will never be the same now anyway. The cruelty of life’s irony is truly bitter.

Most of all, I wanted you to know that I understand everything now.

I understand why you had to leave. I don’t know what you’re being asked to do, but I can see it is extremely important to all of us and our future. I can also see how hard it is for you to carry through with it. To be honest, I don’t know that I’d have the faith to do the things you’re doing. As far as the future goes, I don’t know what to think. My instincts tell me that the immediate future is fraught with danger—particularly if your suspicions about the Teir’Dal are true. But I do know that if the right thing must be done for us all, you are the right one to do it. I truly believe you are a choice soul of Tunare (I always have), and that you rest in Her caring hand as you go forth.

I understand, too, that you have no choice in what you’re doing. During your absence, a part of me wondered if somehow you chose to turn away from me and everyone else at the school. I tried to think of what I might have said or done to drive you away. Please know that I do understand now that what you’re doing is necessary and completely out of any of our control. With this in mind, I’ve seriously considered turning my back on everything here in Kelethin and sneaking off after you. But when I envision the look on your face when I show up on your doorstep, I immediately shrink back from that idea. I know it’s something you’d never allow, and would probably march me back to Kelethin, dragging me by the ear the whole way. The last thing I would ever want from you is disappointment, so here I will remain.

Lastly, I understand your kiss. You probably don’t know this, because I never told you before, but I had never kissed anyone before that night at the lift. It seems kind of silly for a wood elf my age never to have been kissed before, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not exactly something I announced freely to everyone. Now, thanks to you, it’s no longer something I have to hide or feel lousy about. All that aside, I do understand what it was and what it meant, and I accept it without regret or reservation.

Along those lines, I have come to grips with the fact that you and I were never truly meant to be. In all likelihood, you are destined for someone else, and I must learn to accept it. Looking forward, I can see myself eventually doing just that. I really have no choice, but right now it’s not easy for me. As selfish as it sounds, every time I imagine you in the arms of someone else, my heart sinks clear to the ground. They say time heals all wounds. Well, I hope they’re right. Even so, I think it will take huge cartloads of it to heal mine. I’m not trying to be melodramatic. Just honest.

I don’t know what I’m going to do now that the time has come to move on, but I’m thinking it will be something profound and totally out-of-character for me. Lately, I haven’t felt like being myself. I’m not sure why, but I feel like taking a vacation from who I am. For a while, at least. We’ll see what happens. I’m still exploring my options here at the school.

I guess that’s about all I have to say. Well, all except what I probably should have told you a long time ago, but will never get the chance to say. I love you. With all the uncertainty in the world and its foreboding future, this is one thing I can say without question. I love you, Laera Nellynwae. I love you now, and I always will, come what may.

Thank you for all you have given me, and for being the best friend anyone could ever have. May Tunare bless you and keep you in all things, and may you return home from your journey with success and honor in Her name.

Your truest friend,

Rigel Timbrose

Chapter 5 - Worlds Collide